Relationship Questionnaire

These questions are designed to save time during the assessment sessions and to give you insight into your relationship. If you are coming as a couple, each person is required to complete this information separately. Copy and paste the questions into a word document and then take some time to complete this questionnaire. It will help to remind you of what brought you together and what may be driving you apart. You do not need to share your answers with each other.  Return your completed questionnaire back to me before our first session.

  1. Name
  2. Age
  3. Are you currently working? If yes, what is your position and are you satisfied with your job?
  4. If you have a partner, what is their name and occupation?
  5. If you have children, what are their names and ages?
  6. Who are the members of your family of origin? List their names and any relevant information about your relationship with each of the people you lived with growing up.
  7. How did your parents get along with each other?
  8. How was conflict handled in your family when you were young?
  9. Did anyone in your family suffer from mental health issues when you were growing up?
  10. Have you ever been in a relationship where there has been physical, sexual, emotional or verbal abuse?
  11. How long have you and your partner been together (dating, living together, married)?
  12. Briefly describe the problems that have led you to look for therapy at this time.
  13. When did you first start noticing these problems?
  14. What steps, if any, have you taken to try to resolve these problems?
  15. Have you been in therapy before (individual, couples or family therapy)? Was your previous therapy helpful? Please explain.
  16. Do you have any significant physical or mental health challenges? Please list.
  17. Are you taking any medication? If yes, please list and state the purpose for the medication.
  18. How would you describe your mood currently?
  19. Describe your use of alcohol and other mood altering drugs (how often, how much and under what circumstances you use them).
  20. What are you hoping to achieve, if it is possible, in therapy?
  21. What personal growth do you desire?
  22. What initially attracted you to your partner?
  23. How did you decide to be partners?
  24. What was the very beginning of your relationship like? How long did this phase last?
  25. What was your first disillusionment? What happened? How did you resolve it?
  26. What do you find most fulfilling about your relationship?
  27. When do you feel least fulfilled in your relationship?
  28. In what ways are the two of you similar?
  29. In what ways are you different?
  30. How do you deal with tension in your relationship?
  31. What do you do when you are angry?
  32. What does your partner do when angry?
  33. Do arguments with your partner get too heated? If your answer is yes, what is the worst thing that has happened?
  34. How do you resolve conflicts?
  35. Do you spend time in activities away from your partner? If so, how often?
  36. Do you spend time alone with people who are not mutual friends?
  37. Does this create conflict in your relationship?
  38. How comfortable are you doing activities away from your partner?
  39. How comfortable are you with your partner doing things away from you?
  40. How safe do you feel expressing your innermost thoughts and feelings to your partner?
  41. How do you ask for emotional support from your partner when you are feeling vulnerable? Do you expect to get it?
  42. Would your partner say that you are emotionally responsive to their vulnerability? Explain.
  43. Do you take an active, energetic role in nourishing your relationship? How?
  44. How do you spend time alone with your partner?
  45. Would you like to discuss anything about sex or sexuality in therapy? If you would, please give a brief outline of what you would like help with.
  46. Do you and your partner show physical affection by holding hands, hugging or touching each other?
  47. Do you support your partner’s development as an individual? How?
  48. Do you support your partner’s growth as an individual even when you don’t agree? How?
  49. What kind of relationship would you like to create with your partner?
  50. Why is this kind of relationship important to you?
  51. What will be required of you (not your partner!) to bring about the kind of relationship you want?
  52. Are you willing to do homework in between sessions?
  53. What is it about you that makes you not the easiest person in the world to live with?
  54. In what ways do you nurture your relationship? What loving behaviours warm your partner’s heart?
  55. Do you believe that your partner is giving at least 50% to your relationship?
  56. Have you started pursuing a lifestyle that excludes your partner?
  57. Do you and your partner have any joint commitments to projects, work activities or social causes? Do you share any pleasurable activities that you both like? If yes, describe.
  58. Did you deliberately decide to create something together in one of these areas? Does this project seem to add or detract from the bond between you?
  59. If your relationship were a drama, movie, or book, what would it be called? How would it end?

Before you finish, take a moment and write down any other information that may be relevant to your relationship. All information will be treated confidentially.

With thanks to Ellyn Bader Ph.D. and Peter Pearson Ph.D. from the Couples Institute for permission to reproduce some of these questions.

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Nancy St. John